I knew I didn’t feel well this morning. I couldn’t get out of bed until 8:30am, and even at that point I was dragging. I blamed this on a variety of factors: I stayed up until almost 2am, talking to this boy that I may or may not like (a story for another time, or at least another paragraph); I was in the car almost the whole day on Monday, making me sore and stiff in all of my joints (including, oddly enough, the joints in my left pinky), effectively ruining the rest of my week anyway; I am actually getting sick. Well, I thought maybe a cold, at worst the swine flu, both of which are things I can live, and certainly work through. Then the wheezing started. I know what the wheezing means, especially when it’s in my chest and I can hear it even when I’m just taking a normal breath. I have bronchitis. Fucking fabulous. To make it better, I have no insurance, so I’ll just have to suffer through it. When I was living near home, I could at least go see the doctor that lived across the street, and he would give me as many sample packs of anti-biotics as it would take to get rid of it. Now, that’s an hour and a half away. Fucking hell.
So this boy. I haven’t written much about this boy, partially because I feel a tad bit like a child molestor for even thinking about him, but mostly because I’m not sure what it is yet. I know I like him, he’s wicked cute, and seems really, really nice, and genuinely interested in me, but here’s the thing. He’s eight years younger than me. EIGHT!! He doesn’t look it, and definitely doesn’t act it, but that is a big age difference. There’s another thing. He might be a nazi. He apparently has a huge swastica tattoo on his back. And I’m Jewish. Now, I’m not a very good Jew, in fact I kind of suck at it, but still. His reasoning behind the tattoo is that was how he was raised, and he and a friend decided to go get them when they were younger (although younger to a 20 year old probably only means a year or two) and shared those kinds of beliefs. He says he doesn’t believe those things anymore, but still has the tattoo because this friend of his died, and he wants to remain close to him. Alright, so I’m fairly understanding, fairly tolerant, but maybe too much so? Should I let this bother me? Should I just shrug it off and try not to pay attention to it if/when the occasion comes up that he needs to be shirtless around me?
My theory is this: I’m a person, he’s a person. I have the right to my specific set of beliefs, and so does he. I believe in tolerance and acceptance of people that are different from myself, and he doesn’t. In my opinion, his beliefs and views of the world are no less valid just because I feel differently. And I don’t think that two people have to agree on everything to be friends, or more. Now, that being said, this certainly isn’t a “hey we’re dating and now I’m going to bring you home to meet my parents” thing. Not only is the age difference a slight issue (slight to me, bigger to my parents), but my father would kill us both if he were to meet this guy in that capacity.
I guess the only thing to do is to wait and see. I won’t rule out this guy just because of what he used to, or even still does, believe. If he were pushy about it, and was like “this is the way it is and I’m sorry you can’t see it but you are less than human”, sure, I would walk away. But this isn’t like that. I’m not sure how to explain it. He seems to be willing to allow me to have my beliefs without pushing his on me, and I’m willing to do the same for him. It seems like as young as this friendship is, we have that measure of respect between us already. Which is nice. So I’m going to let it play out from here, and see where it ends up. I’m not really sure what else I should do.