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Today…


I don’t care about my Etsy shop. I’m going to take this opportunity to take some time off. I may not even knit much.

I really want to go to the gym, but I’m not sure if I have time before I volunteer at a blood drive, or between volunteering and working.

I’m getting ready for this job interview tomorrow. I don’t really care if I get it, because I certainly don’t need it, but my parents are right. It’d be nice to be able to finish my not one but two unfinished Master’s degrees for free.

I’m really into dubstep. I feel like I’m too old to be really into dubstep. I don’t care, I love it.

I don’t know how my heart will respond to walking on the treadmill. I have everything I need; a good workout mix, grubby clothes, the will to actually drive myself there. But I’m not so sure about my health. My heart rate jumps to ridiculous numbers waiting tables, what will it do with actual exercise?

I do love dubstep. And 8 tracks. But definitely dubstep.

I weigh 147 pounds. I’m 5 feet tall. I should weigh 125, that’s the goal. I started losing weight when I started taking the thyroid meds, but since then they’ve put me on every medication imaginable, and my weight loss has kind of stopped. I’ve lost 41 pounds. I have no control over it. I know that going to the gym is not going to help; it never does. But I still feel like I should, and I actually want to. I feel every bit of 22 pounds overweight. Maybe by going to the gym I’ll be able to say “hey, at least I’m trying”, and that will make me feel better. I’m not losing anything by just sitting here and knitting. Actually, I am, that’s a lie. One of my meds makes me poop a lot, or maybe that’s the coffee, and one of them makes me lose my appetite so I’m not eating much at all. Only when I am so hungry that my stomach feels like it’s going to eat my liver. But even then I’m not really enjoying food. I just eat to survive. Sometimes the thought of food makes me want to yak. People think I have amazing willpower or some secret to losing all that weight. Nope. I just got sick and have to take a lot of pills. So at least there’s an upside.

The blood drive is at 11:30 (I think). Work is at 4. If I get to the gym by 9:30 I can get in a good walk before I have to do the blood drive. It’s 8:30 now. I can do this. I could walk on the treadmill that’s here in the house, but it’s holding my wrapping paper right now. Plus I tend to lose my motivation halfway through if I’m here. It’s wednesday; I still have time to go to the gym three days this week. I’m going to do it.

Pinterest is one of my favorite things. That and dubstep. Or listening to dubstep while browsing Pinterest. And of course drinking delicious coffee.

I feel good. And motivated. Like my life just started today and I have a real opportunity to make it a good one.

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