I don’t care about having eleventy-billion visitors on a daily basis. I don’t care about being chosen for cheesy blogging awards. I don’t even really care about being “Freshly Pressed” (honestly, I don’t). Frankly, this is not a job for me and I don’t want it to start feeling like one. I love that I have an avenue to send my most mundane and crazy thoughts out into the universe, and that every so often the universe sends me something in return.
But really, what is my audience? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Do you know what answer I keep coming back to? I don’t have a fucking clue.I’m not a mom. I don’t plan on ever becoming a mom. I don’t want kids, don’t particularly like kids, and if I were to get pregnant I’d probably die of a blood clot anyway. Plus I swear too much and I’m a really bad influence. My kids would be doomed to hell before they were even born. So that’s out; I’ll never be a mom-blogger. There goes 90% of the blogosphere, if you look at any directories. FYI, I respect all the mom-bloggers out there. I just don’t have any desire to become one of you.
I’m not all that sick. I mean, I’m sick; I have several ailments that will more than likely kill me someday. But I don’t like to bitch about it, because honestly there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I don’t want my blog to be focused so much on my illness that I exclude all the wonderful, beautiful parts of life that I still get to experience every day. There are a bunch of sick-blogs already, if you are looking for that kind of thing I can help you find them.
My life may be pretty boring. Actually, even I find my life to be pretty boring at times. So why in the world would I expect anyone else to read about my boring life?
Because I’m honest, that’s why. I tell it like it is, even if you don’t want to hear it. I don’t say anything behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face. But really, is there a market for that kind of thing? Is anyone going to read this and say, damn, that’s some really refreshing honesty there, I’ll just keep reading until 5 minutes past the end of my lunch break.
I think I’m pretty funny. Maybe my most recent blog posts haven’t had the same humor to them, but that’s because I’ve been trying to fit in. Fitting in, as I’ve known my entire life but somehow forgot in the last few weeks, is way overrated. So I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m going to get my voice back. Maybe I’ll lose a few readers. Maybe I’ll gain a few more. I don’t get paid for this, so either way is fine by me.
All I can hope is that someday, someone finds me and appreciates what I have to say, with or without the f-bombs.