Like expecting the super irritating anchor to be on CNN at 9am, and ending up watching Anderson Cooper instead. I heart Anderson Cooper. Gotta take pleasure in the small things, I guess.
I really can’t think of much else to say. I want to write a lot of things… Why I’m no longer with Isaac… What happened to Taffy… Why I have multiple kittens in my house… About my latest relationship… But all I can focus on right now is the intense heartburn I’m dealing with. I’m dizzy and weak and in so much pain that I can barely breathe, so nothing is coming out right. It’s certainly not coming out sounding very interesting. It all kind of sounds like an instruction manual. Do you want to spend your morning reading an instruction manual? Nah, probably not. So I’ll skip writing it.
Dealing with my new focus… There are plenty of “sick girl” diaries out there. Do I want to just write about my experiences? Do I want this to be somewhere where people can go for advice? Do I want people to give me advice? I have absolutely no idea. It seems I got to the general idea and gave up digging any further. Which is typical, I suppose. But really, is there anything special about me? Honestly, although I’d like to think so, probably not. My health issues are particular to me, but my experiences with those issues are shared by a shit ton of other people. Is that the point? Maybe.
Long story short, I don’t know what the effing point is. I guess I’ll just make it up as I go.
So… It’s been almost two years. I could make up a whole lot of excuses, say that I was super busy, life was so exciting, lots of changes, blah blah blah. But the honest truth of the matter is, my life doesn’t look all that much different today than it did back then. I still work at the same restaurant. I still live in the same apartment. I still have the same best friend. Yay stability, I suppose? There have been some changes of course, but that’s not what kept me away. I just lost focus. That’s all. I just couldn’t figure out where I wanted this blog to go. And because that’s what I usually do when I can’t figure out which path to take, I just chose to stay stuck. But not anymore…
Anyone who has kept up with me for any length of time knows about my health struggles. Those aren’t news, so I won’t use up any energy to discuss those here (I will later, probably… no promises). But I have come to some important revelations as of late which I think have led me in this direction, and so I’ll share those with you.
The first revelation wasn’t even really mine. And it wasn’t even a revelation, but without calling it that this whole thing wouldn’t work, so we’ll just ignore that, ok? I went to see my endocrinologist last week because I’d been feeling really “blah” lately and wanted to see if I could get some blood work done to see if I needed my thyroid meds adjusted. I’d also gained 25 pounds in the last few months and had a feeling that was due to the thyroid meds as well. So anyway, there I sit, in a super sexy gown and my leggings, listening to this insanely thin Indian man tell me that I looked so much better now and that I looked like I was dying before, and I should just keep going with whatever I was doing, but if I was going to insist that I needed to lose weight (which I wasn’t really, I was more worried about the lack of energy given the job that I do) he would put me back on one of the other pills I used to take but I could only take it once every other day. Oh, and I needed to take the other one that went along with it. And I probably needed a second pill for heartburn. And no matter how much I hated that one he put me on a month ago, I still needed to take that one. Oh, but the thyroid pill? He wanted to lower my dose. LOWER. What was I supposed to do, tell him no? So I told him I’d try it. And I died a little inside. So now I’m 34 years old, I take 17 pills a day, and I still have no energy. This leads to my second revelation…
Being sick sucks. Anyone who has ever had a minor cold can tell you that. Being sick every day for the rest of your life? There is a certain level of frustration that comes with that. No one gets it. Friends don’t get it. Family doesn’t get it. Even the doctors don’t get it. I actually had a doctor in the ER say to me, and I quote, “I have no idea what to do with you”. Once I thought I had someone in my life who would get it, but I was wrong. And honestly, that’s ok. I don’t want anyone to get it. I don’t want people to understand. To really understand this means you’d have to be going through it too, and I wouldn’t wish this type of hell on earth on anyone. But this leads to my third revelation…
I needed someone to talk to. Someone who would understand. I needed a way to deal with the loneliness, the guilt, the depression, the hatred of my own body, without feeling like I was burdening my friends and family. I needed someone to vent to who wouldn’t tell me to cheer up or to stop being such a Debbie Downer. I needed to write. Just write it all down and get it all out and maybe, just maybe, find someone out there who was also awake at 4am because there was just too much pain to sleep, who knew how I felt and could suggest a new show on Netflix to keep me occupied. And thus, this blog found it’s direction…
In the next few days I may have to come up with a new title for it, but for now everything will stay the same. And I’ll still try to tie everything in; work, Etsy, life, etc. But the main focus, and goal, of this blog will be dealing with my chronic pain and illnesses. That’s really what I need right now, so that’s what y’all get. Sorry if it seems self-serving at times, or even self-pitying, but I guess we’ll have to take the good with the bad. And I promise, there is good. Some days will be awesome. Some days I might not be able to get out of bed. Some days I might be feeling really miserable, and it’ll show. Some days I won’t want to talk about being sick at all. Some days I’ll want to show off my cats (yes, plural. Long story). I can’t guarantee it’ll all be rainbows and unicorns; in fact, I can guarantee that it will not be all rainbows and unicorns. Maybe some alpacas, but hardly any unicorns. So be prepared.
Anyway, I’m not going to write too much more right now. It’s getting late and I need to at least try to sleep (I’ve gotten an hour in the last two nights). But I hope everyone will stick with me. And to anyone new who is visiting me for the first time… Hi! Welcome, come on in, grab a cup of tea or coffee or whiskey or whatever, and relax. This is my safe place, and I’d love to share it with you.
Because they’re stupid, that’s why. They don’t work. They last for a day, a week, a month, and then most people give up on them. According to this site, only 8% of people actually succeed in completing their resolutions. And while 64% can keep their resolutions going past the first month, that percentage drops to 46% after 6 months. Personally, I know mine hardly ever last past the first month.
I prefer to set attainable goals for myself throughout the year. Last year I vowed to myself that I would blog at least three times a week. How long did that last? Three weeks? And then because I had failed in my resolution, I didn’t blog for the rest of the year. My other resolutions lasted about as long. However, in March when I decided to lose weight, because it wasn’t tied to a New Years resolution, I succeeded. The only pressure to succeed was from myself, not from keeping to a resolution.
And look at the weight-loss resolution people. During the first weeks of January, they flood the gym. You can always tell who they are; they don’t have a clue what they’re doing, they wander around looking at things like they’re looking at complex medical devices, and their gym clothes look brand spanking new. And they are almost all gone by the time February rolls around.
So resolutions don’t work. People make them, they stick to them for a while, and they become terribly depressed when they fail. I won’t fall into that trap again.
Goals, on the other hand, are a good thing. Goals come with less pressure, at least in my opinion. Goals can be amended, if it’s clear that they are unattainable. Here are mine:
1) I’d like to be able to wear a bikini with confidence when vacation time rolls around. Not to say that I will, necessarily, but I’d like the option to be there.
2) I will try to blog on a regular basis. I’ve set alarms for myself to do so, and those alarms are set for three times a week. I may not be able to blog that much, but I’ll at least give it a shot. I won’t beat myself up if I miss a day here and there. I won’t quit blogging just because I don’t keep to this schedule.
3) I’m going to be better prepared for this holidays this year. I know it’s a bit early to be thinking about Christmas 2014, but as prepared as I thought I was last year, I was oh so wrong. I was beyond stressed about it, and the relationships in my life were suffering because of that. Both of my shops will be fully stocked by the time October rolls around, including extras of my best selling items.
4) I will work on my social life. I spend most of my time sitting in the house knitting, which is fine because I like doing it. But I need to get out and have fun sometimes. I really enjoy the people that I work with, and I’d like to hang out with them more outside of work. At lot of this is out of my control, as my illness dictates my social life more often than I’d like, but I’ll go out when I can.
5) As far as shop stuff; I’m happy with the direction of both shops. I’ve got a few new product lines planned for both (more styles of boot cuffs in my original shop, and a line of retractable badge reels in my second shop), but other than that, I’m just worried about building up my inventory after the busy holiday season. I would also like to exceed last years sales number and continue to grow both shops.
Stuffed moose don’t count
6) I desperately want to get outside more this summer. Last summer, the roomie/boyfriend was working so much that going camping, hiking, so much that going camping, hiking, kayaking and the like was kind of put on hold. This year I won’t let him hold me back. I’ll hike if I want to. I’ll take solo road trips. I’ll go back to Maine and finally see a damned moose, whether he wants to go or not. I’ll kayak by myself if I have to.
Those are my goals. I’m sure I will come up with more throughout the year, just as I’m sure that I will amend the current ones. I may decide that I want to focus on one specific topic for this blog (although, how boring would that be?). I may decide that the idea of a 33 year old on the beach in a bikini is ridiculous. But you know what? That’ll be just fine. The pressure that comes along with resolutions isn’t there. And as far as I’m concerned, all these goals are easily achievable.
What do you think? Do you do the whole resolution thing every year? Do you reach them, or give up on them partway through?
Be prepared. I’m in a very random, slightly goofy mood this morning. So this post will be very random and slightly goofy, starting with the following…
I honestly can’t decide if this is a real song or a joke, but I think I like it. It makes me smile, and what could be better on a Monday morning? It may not be safe for work, so make sure to put a set of headphones on or something before you hit play. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
I won't maul you if you take too long
Ok, done? It’s goofy, right? Alright, since we’re in a good mood now, because how could you not be, onward!
Shop stuff: I must have done something right when I took all those new pictures, because I sold my very first tea tote last night. Again, I had just listed it, went to bed, and woke up this morning to find it had sold not even an hour after I listed it. Craziness! So I’ll take that as a good sign, and make more of these things. I love making them; it’s almost instant gratification, unlike the socks which take days.
Weight loss:
I lost 3 more pounds this week, bring me to a total of 5 pounds in 3 weeks. Not bad. I will give total credit to weight watchers, but it may have something to do with taking my pills everyday. I mean, without a functioning thyroid, I don’t really have a metabolism. As it is my metabolism is of the fake variety, but it’s a lot better than no metabolism at all. But I’ll still give the credit to weight watchers, because if I don’t, I won’t have any reason to continue with it. Does that make sense? Maybe not, but I never claimed to make sense all the time.
And speaking of weight loss, after this diet is done, I am so making these cupcakes:
I found them over at A Cookie-Cutter Blog, and they look DELICIOUS (you know I’m serious when I type in all caps and italics). Her instructions look super easy to follow too, though I think I’d skip the sprinkles. I’m not really much of a sprinkle type of girl. Weird crunch, no real flavor… no thanks.
Sports:
Have I ever mentioned how much I love this time of year? The cherry blossoms are out, and Riverside Drive, which I take to and from work every day, is a wonderful array of pink and white floral trees. It’s absolutely beautiful, if you take the time to look around. In fact, I’d say the part of Riverside that I take every morning, a couple miles in each direction from the hospital, is the most beautiful part of this very ugly and depressing city. I love that I get to see it every day. But… that wasn’t anywhere close to my point. It’s spring training, which means baseball season will be starting soon. I heart baseball. And, today is the NCAA men’s basketball national championship game. The only problem is, it doesn’t start until something ridiculous like 9:30pm. Seriously? To the people who scheduled the final game of the college basketball season, wtf were you thinking? How many people do you think will actually be able to stay awake until midnight to watch this thing? Are you banking on people falling asleep with their tvs on, so it won’t hurt your ratings? If it were me in charge, the latest I’d schedule this game is 8pm. That way everyone can still get to bed at a decent time, including those players. Geez.
The future:
It’s been almost a year since Roomie and I took our trip to Colorado. I have all those memories, almost like it was yesterday, but still sometimes I find it hard to believe that I actually experienced it. It seems more like a fantasy movie version of my life; where I drop everything and drive across country to see my life from a different angle. But it wasn’t a dream, it really happened and it was wonderful and exciting and I miss it. I want to go back.
From Garden of the Gods
Can you blame me, seeing just one of the pictures of the trip? It wasn’t great weather; it rained most of the way out and most of the way home, it was cold most of the time, and our first night of camping was interrupted by a mountain blizzard. But it was a wonderful trip. In fact, I think Roomie and I are going to end up moving there. I think. At least for a year. We’ve been wanting to move out of Binghamton for a while now, and we both really loved Colorado. We are going to look at Asheville, NC in June, but unless we absolutely fall head over heals in love with it, I think Colorado is the final answer. We’ll see.
Alright, I’m done. Maybe not completely, but enough for now. Plus I have to get to work. You know, adulthood and responsibilies and all that crap. Have a great Monday all!! 🙂
Yes, really. TMI? I don’t care. I’m trying to figure out how to get it out without my cubemate noticing. I probably should stop eating cheerios while hunched over my desk staring at funny pictures on the internet. They’re just so damn delicious! They aren’t even real cheerios, they’re this organic something or other that tastes oddly like very yummy cardboard. Definitely not in a bad way. And I’m pretty sure that they have a metric ass-ton of fiber in them. They’re only three points for a whole cup of them, so it’s really a win-win for everyone involved! And when I say everyone, I mean me, of course. They do have kind of a weird aftertaste, and they definitely taste a bit funky after a sip of coffee, but whatever, it’s food. I’ve always hated those little kids who come into the restaurant and throw cheerios everywhere, but now I get it. Sorry, little kids who I’ve given my best death stare! I totally understand you now!
I have so done this before.
Roomie and I went craft shopping last night, because I needed to find cellophane bags to put the magnets that I have yet to make in. Damn AC Moore, they were having a yarn sale. I cannot resist a good yarn sale, especially when everything, including Pirouette and Sashay is 30 percent off. I have a problem, that’s my conclusion after this latest shopping trip. I have a yarn addiction. My sage of a roommate says that admitting it is the first step; he’s so smart! I’ve never had a problem admitting it, but when I go to a craft store for something that costs two dollars and emerge with 90+ dollars worth of yarn, it scares me a little. What am I going to do with all that yarn? It’s not like I bought stuff that I don’t have a use for; it’s all for specific projects. The problem is, I will never, not ever in my lifetime even if I was to have a normal life span which I probably won’t, be able to use all the yarn I own. Never. There is simply too much of it. And when it comes to yarn sales, I have zero willpower to not take advantage of them. The other problem is, all of that yarn lives in roomie’s bedroom. It used to be the craft room before he moved in, and he allowed me to keep all my craft supplies in the corner. I can’t even get to the corner now, there’s too much stuff there. I’m going to eventually sort everything out, but I’m not really sure where to start at this point.
I got that doctor’s note, and gave it to my boss at the restaurant. I didn’t really sit down and talk to her about it, but that’s probably for the best. I probably would have threatened her with a lawsuit. Why, you may be asking? Because she scheduled me for only Saturday this week, which I’ve now got a doctor’s note saying I can’t work. So if she takes me off that shift, I won’t have any shifts this week. I would be very tempted to assume that no shifts means she’s “letting me go”, and to start filing for unemployment. She doesn’t want to pay me unemployment, which is why she’s only scheduling me for one shift a week; she is trying to make me quit. Uh huh, not gonna work. If she wants me gone, she’s going to have to find a damn good reason to fire me. It’s certainly not going to be performance related. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m covered under the DDA (disability discrimination act). If I were her, I’d want to keep me as happy, and healthy, as possible to avoid a lawsuit. Especially since she knows my little sister is a lawyer.
Anyway, onto happier things. I’ve been really bad about linking to other blogs in this thing lately. So I’m thinking of sharing at least one link everyday that I find useful, interesting, funny, or otherwise entertaining. What do you think? Not that I really care; it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want with it, damnit. Onward (and have a very happy Wednesday, all :))!
Wednesday Web Gem! OMG I need to do this right now!!! -This blog by “Jeeze Julia” on pantry organization is GREAT. I love, love, love mason jars, and there are thousands of uses for them. This is just one, but it really does make me want to run, not walk, to AC Moore and buy as many mason jars as I can, and then run, not walk, all the way home to organize my pantry. That in itself is a feat; I don’t even go in there if I can help it. That little corner of my home could probably qualify for FEMA assistance all by itself. Damn this being an adult thing, and damn working for a living, I want to clean my pantry!!
I think it might be a function of spending my days staring at a computer screen, but I’ve begun to get really sick of the internet. Maybe I just want some time to myself, which is funny because I’m writing this in a public blog, but I feel the need to be “unplugged” more and more these days. I have a hard time even logging onto Etsy without it feeling like a chore; more something that I have to do rather than something fun that I want to do, which is a big change from even a week ago. I used to really enjoy participating in the forums and my teams, but now even writing this blog entry seems tedious.
I took yesterday off. From blogging, not work. I just couldn’t make myself think of anything witty or interesting to say, so I just didn’t say anything at all. Maybe it’s because the weather is so nice, or just because my hormones are all crazy-pants and out of whack right now. I’m angry, just in general, and I think it’s starting to spread to most areas of my life. Maybe I need a vacation, but I can’t even get my boss to give me the weekends off, so I think a vacation will have to wait.
I know my motivation to really work on my shop will come back. I’m still knitting and creating, so at least the motivation to do that hasn’t left me. Hopefully once I’ve decided to participate fully again my shop won’t have fallen completely off the map. I just can’t do it right now. It feels like work, and while I know it is, I have enough work to deal with, I need this to stay something fun, something that I like doing.
But anyway, I’m still knitting and decoupaging and all that fun stuff, so I figure I can afford to take some time off from all the promoting and posting and commenting and stuff that doesn’t seem so fun to me right now. The creating is the fun part, anyway. I put up one of the new tea totes yesterday, and I think I’ll make a few more this weekend. Maybe I’ll list a set of coasters later on today, since I didn’t finish the third set of dish cloths in time to take pics of them this morning. But they’re super cute; they remind me so much of Easter! Oh, and I started another pair of rainbow yoga socks, to replace the ones that I sold a few weeks ago.
Speaking of sales… I haven’t had a sale in a week. Even my views are down. But I think that might be just because I’m so sick of participating in teams and forums right now and my negative attitude is showing to the rest of the Etsy-world. I’ll be fine once I take a break. Maybe this weekend I’ll institute a no-Etsy policy for myself, just to give myself a bit of time to relax. Once this starts to feel like a job, it’ll start getting stressful like a job too, and I’m inching ever so close to that very thin line between work and fun.
Anyway, enough about that. Here are a few of my other worries at the moment:
-I was scheduled to work Saturday again. UGH! I really need to be able to take two days off from both jobs, to keep my body from falling apart, and to give me the routine I need to take my pills everyday (which I’m doing very well with, by the way, even though it’s only been 3 days). I told my boss this, that until this temp job ends I need weekends off, and it seemed for a while like she understood. Now she wants a doctor’s note. I’m working on that, but I’m afraid that once my doc sees how bad my levels are right now that they’re going to want to put me in the hospital. Then I won’t be any good to anyone.
-I told you I lost a pound last week. I got on the scale yesterday morning, just curious, and I’d gained that pound back, plus another. I got on the scale this morning, and I gained 4 more pounds!!! Wth is going on?! I’m going to have to talk to the doc about that too; I’m not even sure if it’s safe for me to be on Weight Watchers right now.
Ok that’s it. Tomorrow is Friday, meaning Feature Fridays! I am actually excited about it. Have a great Thursday everyone! Go outside and get some Vitamin D!!! 😀
My coworkers decided to throw away my creamer. For no other reason than they couldn’t figure out who it belonged to or how long it had been there. Oh gross! Irritating creamer that has been there for an unknown period of time but is still full and is taking up all the room in the fridge so I can’t shove my hundred and five cups of jello in there! I don’t know where you came from, but instead of asking anyone else, I’m just going to throw you out so there’s more room for my jello! MY JELLO IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS CREAMER! I must have my jello at all times!!!!!!!
So now I have no creamer. Which means no more coffee. Which makes me an angry Megan. I wanted to say, what, you couldn’t ask? Are you going to buy me more creamer? Did you think you were the only one in the entire office who used that fridge? I must have been blind, I didn’t see your name on it, and I certainly didn’t realize that you owned it! Damn, you are one lucky office worker, to have your very own mini-fridge!
Can you tell I’m cranky? This made for a great start to the morning. So now I guess I’ll be cranky all day. Just a suggestion, but I wouldn’t mess with a starving person’s food if I were you. Damn creamer disposing jello whores.
[Anyway, I’m almost done with the first green yoga sock, which makes me happy (or, happier, as the case may be). I’m still not sure I’m in love with the yarn, but it’s pleasent enough to work with, not super stiff or scratchy. I’m just not 100% sure I’d buy yarn from Knit Picks again, if I had the choice. They gave me a tracking number that didn’t work (big pet peeve of mine, along with people who eat massive amounts of jello everyday), and the shipping costs were a bit stiff for one skein of yarn. The second picture is the yoga socks I finished on Monday. I like them, and I was going to list them yesterday, but I really didn’t love the way the photos came out. There is only so much you can edit out, you know? It was too dark, which was my fault, and my background wouldn’t cooperate. I’ll try again on Friday after work.
Oh, and I sold this scarf yesterday! Granted, it was sold to a coworker, but still. I was so thrilled to sell something other than a pair of yoga socks that I forgot to give her the coupon code for free shipping! Hopefully this means people will start buying some of my other stuff! That would be amazing, those scarves are wicked pretty. Hang in there little ceramic coaster sets! Someone is going to love you someday!
Unless I wore this costume to work. Yes, I do own it.
I just found myself looking at my reflection in the mirror, which I try to avoid doing, but holy moly! I couldn’t be brighter if I tried! Between the neon blue polo shirt, the florescent pink shoes, and the day-glo green stress gloves (they’re supposed to keep my hands from swelling up; they’re not working), there is NO chance that anyone on this campus is going to miss me today. You could see me coming from a mile away. The only thing that helps camoflage me a bit is the gray hoodie.
I’m less hungry today. Or at least, I have less of an appetite, which really helps. I’m able to focus on other stuff, rather than just how many hours until I can stuff my face with something totally unsatisfying. I’ve only used two points so far today (on fat free creamer and splenda? Just seems wrong), and my lunch is only 4-5 points, plus I’ve got these super yummy cracker chip things that are 3 points for 30 of them. So that’s 10 total for the first part of the day, leaving me with 16, which is great. That means I can eat dinner, have a glass of champagne, AND still have leftover points for desert!
There is this woman who, as far as I can tell, does nothing but walk around the office all day long. Literally. I’ve never seen her at a desk that belongs to her. I don’t even know where her desk is. But she paces, and chats, and paces some more, and sits down to talk to people about what she’s eating and her latest health problem. She’s even started coming into our cubicle asking about random stuff (why there are so many keyboards on the desk across from us, for example. In case you’re wondering, the desk across from us is where the intern sits, and where we put all the electronic junk that we don’t want). She must burn a LOT of calories.
I'm adorable! Take me home!
So I finished those yoga socks yesterday. OH! And I got to a mini-milestone; 40 listings! Only ten to go before I reach my goal for March! I’m not sure how I feel about the Knit Picks yarn I’m using for the green pair, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. It’s super soft, but it seems a bit thick for sock yarn. This pair may not have the same flexibility that the others do, but I think that’s ok. I do love the colors. They match my day-glo gloves. I think after I’m done with these I’ll make a bunch more tea totes. I haven’t sold any yet, but people seem to like them. I worry that my prices are a bit off on a lot of this stuff, but I can’t get anyone to tell me. Don’t make me beg people, I’ll do it! Please tell me!!
I would eat the crap out of this. The picture, not the cake.
I started weight watchers today. For anyone who hasn’t tried it, know this… Weight watchers is the devil. At least for the first few days, when you’re so hungry even your cat looks delicious. After that it gets way easier, but those first few days are a living hell, for you and everyone else around you. You’re hungry, your stomach is making these strange noises, and all you want to do is beat the living crap out of that guy walking down the street with a Burger King cheeseburger. But I could deal with the hunger. I’m having more trouble with the anger that comes with the hunger. I’m just freaking pissed at the world right now. Doesn’t make for a productive evening, I’ll tell you.
Anyway, so my goal, once again, is to lose 25-30 pounds by the end of June, when we go to the beach. I weigh 150 now, I’d like to weigh at the most 125, but ideally 120. If anyone remembers, my new year’s resolution was to go to the gym 3 days a week. Ha! Yeah, try doing that while working two jobs and trying to keep up with an Etsy shop. So then I was only going to go on days when I wasn’t working both jobs, but I forgot to take my pills for a million days in a row so I could barely open my eyes, let alone workout. Good thing weight watchers doesn’t require me to work out. They are perfectly happy if I don’t. So good. I was planning on walking after work today, but I got so pissed off on my way to the post office (who saunters across the street in the middle of the day? seriously, who does that?), that I’ve called it off. I’ll do it tomorrow. Someone has to make sure I actually do it tomorrow.
I’m just angry. Angry at my stomach for being so hungry. I usually eat one or two meals a day, usually at night, and I’m never this hungry. I’ve been eating all friggin day! I’m angry at the people who give unrequested advice. You think you know better than I do how I lose weight? Well let me tell you, with an underactive thyroid (NO thyroid, actually) and an appetite that comes and goes as it pleases, I’m the only one who knows the best way for me to lose weight. I can’t do it just by exercising. I need a strict plan with some accountability, not vitamins or crash diets or whatever else you’re selling. Weight watchers works for me where nothing else does. I can’t magically make my metabolism speed up; I have a fake, medicinally-induced metabolism and it does what it wants. I’m angry at all the fat assholes in this town who think they own the street, the sidewalk, and most importantly my personal space. I was a fat girl for a long time (not my fault, come to find out), but I didn’t saunter places, and I didn’t impose my fatness on other people.
I’m done with the rant, I think. Onto bigger (hardy har har) and better things, hopefully. I listed those rainbow colored yoga socks the other night, and they sold within an hour. So what did I do? I immediately went out and bought more rainbow colored yarn. I’m finishing up a pair that’s green, purple and blue tonight, and after that it’s a green pair for my friend Megan. I’ll probably start another pair of rainbow colored ones after. I’ve got two pairs of leg warmers/boot cuffs that I still have to take pictures for, but that probably won’t happen until much later in the week. I redid all of the pics for the yoga socks over the weekend, but I haven’t gotten any responses to my requests for a critique yet, so I’m not sure if they’re any better. Oh, and two more sets of coasters that I still have to list, though one will probably be listed in about a half an hour.
This makes my heart happy.
Speaking of which, did you know that Etsy is also the devil? I know it’s hard for two things to be the devil at exactly the same time, but trust me, it’s so very true in this case. I spend so much of my time on that stupid website, it’s not even funny. If it’s not promoting my own stuff, it’s posting in forums, commenting on blogs, writing this blog, favoriting other people’s stuff, favoriting treasuries that I’ve been included in, making my own treasuries, and on and on and on. It’s such a huge time sink, it’s not even funny. If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s become almost an addiction for me, I would just take some time off because I’m sick of it. It’s like another part time job!
Sometimes I look at people and wonder what they were thinking when they decided to make a certain decision. Whether it’s an outfit they walked out of the house in that just doesn’t look right on them (skinny jeans anyone?), or the way they allow their kids to behave in public, some things just bother me. But as long as it doesn’t effect me too much, I tend to just let it go. If I see some guy walking down my street with a case of beer, even though I am not what anyone would consider a heavy drinker, I will look, maybe wonder where he’s going or if he’s going to attack my car (that actually happened once, I’m not prejudiced against drunks), and then go about my business. I try not to judge, but I’m not perfect, and everyone judges people. If I do judge, I don’t dwell on it. Honestly, I have more important things to worry about.
Truth
What bothers me are the self-righteous douche nozzles who think it’s absolutely horrible that people smoke cigarettes. Now, being a smoker myself, maybe I’m biased. But from personal experience, we are treated like pariahs by society. We have to go outside no matter what the weather. We have to hide in a corner most places, so we don’t expose others to our second hand smoke. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that those things aren’t right. But if I’m doing everything in my power to make sure that my choice isn’t imposed on you, shouldn’t you show me the same courtesy? If I had a nickle for everytime someone came up to me, and with no provocation at all, no inkling that I might be open to such things, felt it necessary to tell me that smoking was bad for me….. I’d be a freaking billionaire. You choose not to smoke. Great, good for you. It’s a nasty, expensive habit. But guess what? I choose to smoke.
That’s right. I don’t smoke because I’m addicted to it. For sure I am, and quitting would be a pain in the ass, but that’s not why I don’t quit. I don’t quit because I like smoking. It’s wonderful first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee and some Etsy trolling. There is nothing better than a cigarette after dinner. And forget it about it if I decide to have a glass of wine and overdo it a bit. I love smoking. I love the taste, the feel, the calmness it provides me, everything. I choose to smoke, and all I ask is that you respect my decision just as I’ve respected your decision not to smoke.
What gets me is people like this woman on Etsy this morning. The subject line of her forum post was something like “I just witnessed something horrible”, or something like that. Now, to me that says she just saw a 30 car pileup on the highway or someone beating their kid in Walmart. Nope, she saw a mailman, not even her mailman, smoking. She was going to complain to the post office on her lunch break, hours after said horrific event had happened. Seriously? Get off your high horse, lady. Please.
I’m not normally an agressive person. I like knitting, looking at my Etsy shop stats, spending time with my cat, drinking cheap wine on my nights off, and movies. I’m pretty peaceful, overall. But this kind of small minded, self-righteous behavior really makes me angry. I stand outside in blizzards, when it’s ten below zero, exposing myself to hypothermia, just to make sure that your lungs don’t get polluted by my habit. I have to walk around the building in the pouring rain to make sure I don’t accidently blow any of my (delicious) smoke in anyone’s face. The least you could do is walk past me without giving me dirty looks, without coughing in my direction, without posting things like this woman posted. I am more than willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of other people. I chose this, it’s fine. But please don’t make me an outcast because you made different choices. I’m sure I don’t agree with at least one thing you choose to do. It doesn’t mean I’m going to publicly humiliate you because of it.
Now go ahead and be angry with me. You have my permission. 🙂
Random Musings 